today... and 'a time to mourn'

To be honest, I did not manage to leave the house today until tonight when we went to our neighbor's apartment for dinner... but YESTERDAY we managed a 'play date' with another mom and her baby and 'almost-two-year-old'. The three older kids got lots of energy out on the nice playground by our apartment. You can see nearly the whole thing in the picture above. It's really nice, but busy in the afternoons. Let's see... today I kept busy with starting to write some emails to friends (I'm SO far behind in writing to people... -sad!), starting to iron Nate's clothes (which need to be ironed for the start of school on Tuesday), washing dishes, doing laundry, lanolizing Will's diaper covers (because they're leaking like crazy, but this should solve that problem), watching my kids (and all that entails!), and listening to music.

["There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ... a time to mourn..." -Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 4]

I have to say more about the music, because it wasn't just any music... it was my family's music I was listening to. This summer we had a chance to sing together again, and I recorded our singing and today was the first time I took time to listen to it. I suppose it sounds like any other choir group/chamber music group, but when I listened to it I just started crying. I've been thinking about mourning lately, and about how much of the mourning I need to do is because of wonderful things that have passed. I realized that the music brought back so much sweetness of growing up with a family that sang together and did so much together. I haven't lost that family, but I do miss the times that are so infrequent now. I haven't sung with my brothers/sister/parents in two years, and it was just sweet to my soul to get to do that this summer. So today I mourned living close enough to make music together more often. It was time for me to mourn that and to find joy in knowing that our music has always been a special gift to our family from our Father in Heaven. In my mourning I am so thankful.

One of the songs I recorded us singing is a song that we prepared for our Uncle who is dying of cancer. It's a neat song with rich words full of hope. My Uncle has lived a very full, rich life in so many ways, and I am already mourning the loss of probably not getting to spend time with him again. The realization struck me today that it's ok for me to mourn already, because it is healing to remember the excellent times I've had with my Uncle. I have usually felt that I'm not supposed to mourn the things/people/experiences that I miss, and so this was just a neat feeling - like God was assuring me that there is, indeed, a time to mourn.

And He reminds me that there will be more times ahead to dance.

I don't think I'm done mourning many things. At the moment, I'm sure that I will mourn India and all that our life there entailed for awhile. But intertwined in my mourning, I am so thankful that we have had such precious friendships and rich experiences - that there is reason to mourn the losses. So for now, I'll keep mourning with great joy and peace that these things are right and good.

Math

If you haven't already found it, I highly recommend this post (...by my amazing husband). It's very well-written and so insightful.

And THEN...

Here are lots of pictures to catch you up on our house lately. I think I have them in chronolgical order mostly. First, Annie has been helping Pappa make lots of chai these days.
And THEN there's the... ...cutting, cutting, cutting. One night I had accidentally left out the SAFE scissors (the plastic ones that can't cut anything but paper and are not sharp- n.b. grandparents!) and some scrap paper we had been cutting and I woke up at about 2 am to strange sounds from the living room. Sure enough, it was Annie, trimming away little tiny pieces of paper! Somehow I managed to convince her it was still bedtime and she should go back to sleep.
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And THEN: We've had a good week of celebrating Palm Sunday.

Will working on our story board - adding palm branches and t-shirts for Jesus and the donkey to walk on.

And THEN there was Good Friday:

I made hot-crossed-buns that we had warm for breakfast on Friday. I figured it was a good day to do it as we were going to talk about the cross and we could eat leftovers for the next two Easter mornings as well and keep talking about the meaning of the cross.

And THEN it was shorts weather and my Will has outgrown some of his old shorts, so I sewed this alligator pair for him and he was thrilled. Not your typical "new Easter pants" I guess, but perhaps more generally useful.

And THEN we decorated Easter Eggs:

And THEN it was Saturday:

Saturday we spent the day hiking to Flag Hill. Will tried climbing all the trees (there are LOTS) and Nate kept him from getting too hurt in the process.

(also, check out his cool shorts!)

Annie collected pinecones and had a blast watching Will and running around the open space.

The rhododendrons are still blooming, but many are now dressing the ground with their faded pink petals.
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And THEN today, Easter Sunday, we got up while it was still dark and walked for about 45 minutes to an Easter Son-Rise service at a Church in the center of town. 10 Churches held the combined service outside on a lawn. It was really neat to walk and meet other Christians from all the different Churches all heading to the same service before dawn. Some were singing, some talking, and always the greeting of "Happy Easter!" and "He Is Risen!"

When we returned home, we ate the last of our hot-crossed-buns and Nate hid Easter eggs for the kids to find. They LOVED this 'game' and once they had found all 26 eggs, they ate the trail mix that was inside a few of them and begged to do it again. I think that in total we have hidden and found Easter Eggs about 20 times today! They don't mind that the eggs are always empty - they just loved finding them. Thankfully at the end of the day we managed to get Will to hide them for Annie so that we could just sit and sip chai and watch!

Happy Easter! JESUS IS RISEN!!!

Something for today.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing."

-Zephaniah 3:17

It's a lonely day as some days are so I sat down to listen to God speak to my heart and turned to this passage. It reminds me of my relationship with my kids. When Will is sobbing about something, I pick him up, wrap my arms around him while he sits in my lap, and I rock him back and forth, back and forth. I rest my head on his hair and exhale deeply, offering him my calm - quieting him with my love. In seconds, he breathes slower and stops crying - as if he's listening for my breath and accepting the peace I've offered him. It's beautiful to me - this interaction - it makes my heart so glad to have him calm down in my arms like that. Such a picture of what God longs to offer me too - His Peace.

The rest of the verse lends itself to more parallels, but they are more obvious. What I needed today was a reminder of my son in my arms - and the promise that God will quiet me with His love even more completely.

A good, ancient read

Picture it: Job 26:6-14
6 Death is naked before God; Destruction lies uncovered.
7 He spreads out the northern skies over empty space; he suspends the earth over nothing.
8 He wraps up the waters in his clouds, yet the clouds do not burst under their weight.
9 He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it.
10 He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters for a boundary between light and darkness.
11 The pillars of the heavens quake, aghast at his rebuke.
12 By his power he churned up the sea; by his wisdom he cut Rahab to pieces.
13 By his breath the skies became fair; his hand pierced the gliding serpent.
14 And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! Who then can understand the thunder of his power?"

I am enjoying reading through the book of Job currently. This section really stood out to me as a beautiful passage as the author paints pictures with words and concludes with verse 14 which struck me tonight as incredibly poetic. To think that of all that we DO see of God's creations and working here on earth- all of that is "But the outer fringe of His works..." so well put. I also enjoyed reading Job 28- such a neat chapter!

I love it when these ancient Hebrew texts come alive for me. Hope you're encouraged too!

Spring tidbits

It's spring in Mussoorie! One thing I seem to forget each year is how spring here is the season of falling leaves. We have many Himalayan oak trees in this area which drop acorns in the fall, but keep most of their leaves all winter long. Once the weather warms up and the new leaves begin to grow on the branches, the older leaves begin to fall off. Our yard is covered with newly fallen leaves and I am enjoying watching bunches of leaves flutter to the ground as the breeze shakes them loose. Here's a picture I tried to take to capture how the old leaves are coming off the branches as the new ones fill out the trees. Other plants did loose their leaves earlier so their new leaves are clothing bare branches beautifully.

This is also the short Rhododendron season. I've been enjoying watching the blossoms come on a tree behind our house. Just a week or two ago they began to bloom and already the petals are covering the ground.

A few days ago we were invited to join some friends on a walk around the road at the top of our mountain. It was a beautiful day and very relaxing to spend the morning that way together.

Lunch at Char Dukan

Annie wanted to sit in this little shelter on the side of the road - she called it her 'ouse'.

Will helped walk a dog and did a very good job! He'll enjoy my family's dogs back in the US this summer... but Annie is scared to death of dogs. :(

I bought a papaya in the bazaar this week and we devoured it in two meals - it was excellent! I told Nate that every time I have bought a papaya in our marriage, it is because SOMETIMES they taste like this one! (we haven't had very good ones before this one)

And a few updates are due:

1. Above is a picture of the crazy quilt that I worked on with a few friends. This is the center of it- it turned out really neat and we're just finishing it up now. We each did a square and it's neat to see a group project like this come together so nicely.

2. The diaper cover I made out of a wool sweater DOES work... and perhaps better than expected, because we have had quite a number of days when Will hasn't wet his diaper at all! :) That's the goal, after all, so even though it took a few days to figure out if the cover would keep moisture in, we are pleased that he's started to not wet his diaper sometimes.

3. I stepped on a sewing needle yesterday on my floor, and more than half an inch of it went into my foot... so my toe is a bit swollen and my foot is pretty sore today. I guess running will have to come to a halt for a bit. Hopefully it will heal quickly and I won't get an infection. :)

4. Just one more thing I wanted to share. One morning this week when I was running early, the sky was so hazy that most of the mountains were completely hidden. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to see the sun rise, which is something I usually look forward to so much. A few minutes later, I looked up and there was the sun- rising as a perfectly round circle of light - just beautiful. The thought struck me that in fact I could see the sun clearer in the haze than on a clear day when it was too bright to look at. I thought about how this relates to my spiritual life and how sometimes it's in the gloomy/hazy/dismal times of life that I have actually been able to see God clearer than during bright, clear times when all seems right. Maybe that thought will encourage you like it encouraged me.

No, the monkeys are NOT cute!

For any of you who think they are, well, they're just NOT!

At 8 am this morning I had had a good run, made breakfast, sent my honey out the door, and thought to myself that it would be a slow day. Maybe I'd manage to sit with my little boy and help him learn some of his alphabet letters. "I'll just start some laundry first," I told him. Then I realized just how much laundry I needed to do today - since our little princess is super picky about what clothes she puts on these days, and she changes her mind every half-hour and helps herself to a clean set of clothes... but even if she didn't change her mind, she still can't be bothered to use the toilet all the time and very very often wets her pants - or more likely, poops in them. Nasty.

By 10AM I figured I'd already had quite the morning- I counted about 6 loads of laundry I had ahead of me, smashed a nasty centipede on my bedroom floor, and then I got soaking pillows and scrubbing pillowcases (because Annie is still scratching her nose and getting blood all over them at naps and bedtime). Then a panicked Annie cried out to me and come to find out that this time she'd pooped all over the coir matting that covers our floors (terrible mess to try to scrub out of the coconut fibres!). After cleaning her up and the floor, I sent the kids outside. I put the soap outside to dry in the sunshine along with the soap holder because they get so nasty with little kids using them all day long. Our weather has been beautiful, by the way- 70-80 and sunny all day long. It's probably even hotter in the sun.

So the kids played outside until they were fighting so much that I had them come in. Both kinds of monkeys (rhesus and langours) were in the trees and walking on the roof, and I felt nervous as I always do, that they were going to steal my laundry. I tried to scare them away a few times, but they didn't really care. Then, while we were all inside, I looked out the bathroom door and saw a big langour holding our nice bar of soap! HEY! I shouted at him and opened the door to come at him, and so he jumped on the roof - WITH MY BAR OF SOAP!

Needless to say, I was mad! I shouted at him some more and Annie asked me if I needed Pappa - yes indeeed! But he's at work.

I looked out again to check the laundry- and the monkey was back- but no bar of soap, only my soap holder was in his hand this time! GRRRRR! I shouted at him again and this time he hopped up on my roof -WITH MY SOAP HOLDER!

Now I was really mad- and again, Annie asked me if I needed Pappa! :) Too true, but he's at work.

Well, I recovered, prayed so hard that God would send the monkeys away and protect us and our laundry. Pretty soon, the monkeys headed elsewhere. They didn't take any of my laundry and I had come to accept the fact that my soap and soap holder were gone for good. Then I stepped outside to bring in the dry clothes, and suddenly, the soap holder dropped from above just in front of me! NO WAY! (If the monkeys take stuff, they usually leave it in impossible places and we never find the things again). I looked up and thought that maybe God had dropped it from heaven just then. I saw up in the trees a little baby monkey just above where it had come from- ah ha! Well, it's still a God-thing. Every monkey-encounter leaves me feeling protected by my Father in Heaven. I don't like the monkeys and they are certainly not cute and stealing my soap was not funny. A verse that Will has learned recently came to mind several times this morning:
Psalm 32:7
"You [God] are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Church

One thing that has been a very valuable insight for me/us during the past 4 years here- has been a new perspective on Church. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to make attending Church a priority because it is Biblical and is meant to be something that is a part of a Christian's life. We had to make this definite choice because Churches are not perfect and they don't always suit our needs and desires, and perhaps you can identify with me when I confess that we often don't FEEL like going to Church. So we have been attending a Church (a 40-minute hike from our house) and it has been interesting to see what the Church is in this part of the world - (although to only see it, we could have just attended once or twice.)

One thing I did not anticipate was the encouragement that I would eventually find in regularly attending Church. For many years I felt that we were supposed to attend Church to worship God alongside others with similar beliefs. The focus was on God- the songs were about/to God, the sermon was about God, and we didn't really talk with people before, during or after the service because no one just hung out for that: it seemed we had come 'for God'...

So Church here doesn't 'draw me to God' the way other services have felt to me- and that always disappointed me... until I realized that maybe there was something I was missing in my own understanding of what Church should be. "Let us not give up meeting together..." (Hebrews 10:25)
WHY?
-because we meet together to encourage one another. In fact, I realized that perhaps even in simply attending Church, I can be an encouragement to others who also attend. I have found that I often look around and am so encouraged to see students that I know from school or other teachers in the service. Perhaps it encourages the surrounding community to see that we, staff at the school we work at, are believers - they need to see us there to be reminded that God is working at our school too. And we need to see the community members and hear about struggles and persecutions happening in our area so that we can lift those up to God and be reminded that we are on a team here and are not isolated at our school.

When we first determined to attend Church, I had no idea that God could use that to encourage others and I had no idea that He could use OTHER people's attendance to encourage me so much.

My family is unable to be much more involved than simply attending, but I have learned that perhaps worshiping God happens when we build each other up by simply making Church attendance a priority. It doesn't have to be in the songs or style of music we prefer, or sermon that speaks to our hearts- but simply in gathering as common Believers for His glory -and so He can use our interactions in a positive way.

I don't know if any of that will make much sense to people who have not lived in a similar sort of cross-cultural situation as we are in, but I thought I'd attempt to express my thoughts about it because it has been helpful for me to see another side of 'gathering together'. Hope you are also encouraged to figure out what He has for you through those seemingly dry seasons when Church just isn't 'filling' you up.

Lessons from potty-training

I have a 2-year-old who is potty-trained during the day (give or take a few accidents). She is very independent (as many girls are, I hear) and likes to get up quietly at naptime (after I've put her in a diaper and tucked her in her bed) and open the door to the bathroom and undress herself because she needs to go potty. This is very frustrating for me because by the time she finally gets to the toilet, she has already wet her diaper and since she can't get her diaper off on her own yet, I still have to come in and change it... again. Why didn't she just go two minutes ago when she was on the toilet?! The same scenario happens at night, too - every night, and every naptime... almost funny, but it gets old.

This afternoon it happened again and I ran to help her, hoping to get her to the toilet before she wet yet another diaper (because yes indeed, I'm tired of washing diapers all the time after 4 years of it!). I picked her up and in a yet-again-disappointed and exasperated tone, heard myself say to her: "You need to CALL me to come and help you instead of trying to do it yourself! Then you wouldn't make such a mess all the time. You need to say, 'Mamma! I need to go potty.'" Of course she repeated what I told her to say in the sweetest little voice as if practicing for next time. --And it was as if God whispered His truth to me right then. I realized that the scene is a perfect picture of how I am with my Father in Heaven. I take things into my own hands and speak too soon or try to do things my way in life and He's just longing for me to CALL to him FIRST so that He can COME and HELP me! Then I wouldn't make such a mess or have to do things all by myself.

Father, Help me!

Babies and thoughts

Well I'm back home after a long excursion down the mountain and back up again this evening to see my friends and their brand new baby! In the past three days I've held two newborns- even got to change one's poopy diaper and yes, he did pee all over as I did it... brought me right back to my own son's first months of life. :)

Today I was reminded several times of how blessed I have been. I am blessed to be a mother. Contrary to my many many years of thinking, not just any woman is given that gift. And I am a mother of two kids- a boy and a girl. Wow, what a gift, God. It's just gifts, see?

It was sometime during University that I began to learn of some couples I knew who 'could never have children'. It was also about that time that friends started to get married and other friends were planning out their lives. I didn't know any married friends who had kids (unless I'm forgetting someone at the moment) and many of them said things like, "yeah, we'll have kids someday"- in such a definite, decided manner, that I wanted to scream out to them- "By the way, YOU'RE not the one who decides that - God is!" - But I didn't. Instead, God began to sand away some of my rough edges about this issue, so that I was hurled into a search for truth by a challenge from my fiance: "What does God say about kids???" Guess what? Everything God says about kids is that they are His best blessing- the biggest gift He can give people for their lives to be wonderful here on Earth. He commands people to have kids. He tells them to MULTIPLY, bear children... GOD LOVES KIDS, and He designed marriage to result in giving birth to kids. Check out His Word yourself if you haven't yet on this topic (and if you find something other than that theme, let me know- I am always longing for Truth!)

But it's not just that easy, see. From my own observations, it seems that many people seem to decide to have kids in order to spice up their lives, do something different, collect another item that they don't have yet (a kid), or live on through their children. But I don't believe that God gives kids so that we can have the perfect life we design for ourselves. Instead He gives them- or withholds them- so that we can have the perfect life that He designs for us - that draws us closest to Him and shapes us most like Himself.

How awesome to me is the story of some of our friends who longed for children for several years and realized that they couldn't have their own kids. So they decided to pursue adoption. After a long process (as all adoptions I have heard about are), they finally welcomed an adopted baby boy into their home and the next month they learned that they were pregnant as well. They now say that they KNOW that God wanted them to have that boy in their home or He would have let them get pregnant sooner. They would not have carried through with the adoption if their own daughter had come earlier - after all, who wanders around with two kids who are only 9 months apart?!. Isn't God amazing? And His timing incredible?

During a conversation today, I was reminded again of how difficult it can be for some women to get pregnant and how they come to long for that stage of life. Long so much that they try everything- even artificial processes - and it made my heart sad. Sad for them. Sad that we people are so often driven to our own devices to get what we want. Does it make God sad to see us so desperate for what He has not given us?

And as I held those two newborns in my arms during the past couple of days, I was also reminded about how hard it can be for women to give birth. I have been blessed with relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries. But the difficulty of bearing children is also a great reminder to us of why Jesus came. Genesis 3:16 says it straight up: "To the woman he said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children..." So all the hard things that are wrapped up in having kids like the few I've mentioned, just go back to some poor choices in the beginning of the World. Sadly- I still make poor choices that have repercussions on my life.

I said I was thankful that I have a boy and a girl. I'm thankful because I think that those who want a baby are curious about what it is to have a son and a daughter. Well, it's not to my credit or my husband's credit, but to God's credit alone that He has given us the gift of one of each. Thank you, God. (By the way, I would have been thrilled if we had been given two of one 'kind', but still always curious what it would be like, I'm sure.) At the foundation of my gratitude and awe of God- lies a trust that I long for all people to know, and I long to know more fully. My husband and I have trusted that God will plan our lives for us and give us what is His best for our lives. We trust that He'll show us the next step, even if He rarely shows the whole path ahead. We trusted Him that He would give us children in His good time (and His timing has been so good- I must add here that even the miscarriages we have had proved to be blessings in ways I couldn't have planned!). Now we're trusting Him that He'll take us where He wants us to go next year and always, that He'll give us whatever children He wants us to have - in His good time. I feel peaceful and so thankful that our lives are in His good Shepherd hands.

Thank you, God, for new babies and all of Your goodness that they remind me of.

Celebrating Christmas

Yes, today is Annie's 2nd birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNIE!!
(I'll post some pictures hopefully later today or tomorrow.)


But while the kids are napping and the house is quiet, I've been browsing around the internet and have found a wonderful blog with lots of thoughts and ideas on celebrating the Christmas season and wanted to share it here. It has a number of posts with many ideas of ways to keep Jesus Christ as the center of our celebrations throughout the Christmas season. I recommend it! :)

HALT!

good.bad.good.good. so-so.

That's how my days were this week.

The good days are days when I get things done, when I can hang out with people, clean my house, reach out to others, play with my kids, spend time with God, do something creative... the list goes on.

The bad days... when I feel so lonely, discouraged, frustrated, unproductive... bad days. I don't know why I feel so lonely so often. Is it the mountain setting? or the fact that I've never lived near another mom-friend during my whole mom-experience? Is it that I have no real home anywhere- nowhere that I can go back to where I know many people and they know me well? My poor correspondence? What about choices- have they made us walk a lonely road? In any case, the more I think about it, I imagine that although I feel lonely, I'm most likely not alone in that! I imagine that there are many lonely people around me, or far away, but people I have known or interacted with in the past. Often when I'm lonely, God reminds me of this:

HALT!
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When I was in University, someone shared the HALT acronym with me, stating that when we're feeling those things, we are most vulnerable spiritually. It's like an alarm to me when I realize that I'm feeling any of those things (which is far too often!!!) , that I must stop whining about being hungry/angry/lonely/tired and focus on the One who offers to meet all my needs.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

All of them??????
All of them!

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

Psalm 23

Click HERE to listen to 4-year-old Will recite Psalm 23.

nothing new

I don't have much to write about and no pictures to post since our nice camera lens broke a month ago. I miss pictures. I'm not very good at figuring out what to write on here and I'd rather have pictures tell stories instead. Maybe a list will do for today.

-Will can now recite Psalm 23 - he includes a few comical errors from time to time, but his pronunciation and intonation are adorable and it's rewarding to have completed this 6-week project. Quite a feat for a 4-year-old.

-On Sunday we made wordless books for our little family 'church' time. I let the kids use staplers for the first time and they loved that! Will mostly understood the story too, I think.

-Will often says things like: "When I die, I will see God." and "Let's pray I'm gonna die in Korea"- he has a fascination with death and soaks up Bible stories and knowledge about God like a sponge. I am amazed at his interest and understanding. And Korea is all he knows besides India-smile (although sometimes if you ask him where he's from, he'll say Canada because we have friends who talk about Canada).

-Will now colors things in! It was an exciting breakthrough when he figured out that it's not so bad to stick with a project and color the whole thing in instead of giving up after a minute of trying.

- Annie likes to use markers - but her marker usually ends up on her cheeks, chin, clothes, walls, chairs... you name it. She also likes keys and changes her clothes about 50 times a day (usually putting on other people's clothes instead of her own).

-My most recent declaration about Naptime: "Naptime is for sleeping. And being quiet. And leaving people alone!!!" - I stated this to my almost 2-year-old who insists on getting out of her bed as soon as I leave her room every nap and bedtime. Replacing her every 5 minutes makes MY 'naptimes' very exhausting.

Perhaps that's enough for now. I'll try to think of something interesting to write about next time.

Ezekiel 14

This is rather un-related to my previous posts, so just release that thread of discussion for a moment if you will, and let God speak to you through some eye-opening verses.

I recently read a very rich chapter of the Bible: Ezekiel 14 and wanted to share ten points which God used to speak to my heart. (Just a note- the book of Ezekiel contains so much absurdity that I find myself sometimes shocked and appalled as I read it, now laughing, now nearly in tears picturing the life of a man who was created to be a SIGN -12:6 - and hearing God's message through him. I've read the book before a few times, but it seems that I have completely forgotten the storyline since then - and God is blowing me away as I read it anew these days.)

1. vs 3 - "...these men have set up idols in their hearts and put wicked stumbling blocks before their faces..."
2. vs 5 - "I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols." - God speaking about the terrible things he will do to the people he loves so deeply.
3. vs 6 - "...This is what the Sovereign LORD says: REPENT! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!"
4. vs 7 - "When any Israelite or any alien living in Israel separates himself from me..." This reminds me that God has always called Isreal AND other peoples to align themselves with Him.
5. vs 11 - "God says he'll make things terrible for all who turn from Him -->SO THAT His people will not stray or defile themselves, but instead, "...They will be my people and I will be their God, declares the Sovereign LORD.'"
6. vs 13 - "If a country sins against me by being unfaithful..."
7. I find it interesting that Noah, Job and Daniel [?] are God's chosen "even if"righteous examples (vs 14, 16, 18, 20)
8. vs 15 - If God sends "wild beasts throughout that country... so that no one can pass through it because of the beasts..." - Monkey terror where I live makes me able to almost feel what this would be like.
9. vs 22 - "Yet there will be some survivors... and when you see their conduct and their actions, you will be consoled regarding... every disaster..." WOW!
10. vs 23 - "You will be consoled... for you will know that I have done nothing in [Jerusalem] without cause, declares the Sovereign LORD."

...that blows me away.

clarifications

Thanks to all who have shared valuable insight with me in our conversations, in the comments of my posts, through emails. I want to state a couple of clarifications since I have opened such a complex discussion on living for Christ in a foreign land (or anywhere, I suppose.)

First: I pray that what I have written in my previous post "First or Nothing", does not come across as a judgment on other Christians here or elsewhere. I am NOT trying to condemn, but rather to ask some important questions that I have found easier avoided for a long time. Now, I think, God is stirring my heart to consider how He wants me to see the cultural-spiritual battle and how He wants me to live for Him in relation to it all. In many ways, I am the one confronted by the Truth through wrestling with these things. I pray that my written thoughts will spur you on toward the Truth as well.

Secondly: From what I'm learning about Yoga (correct me if I'm wrong!), it seems that the goal is to be joined/one with the god Brahmin (sp?) and therefore in practicing Yoga, one is practicing drawing close to that god, becoming that god. Three wise older Christian friends with whom I have talked about Yoga (now that it's on my mind and I don't know much about it), have advised me that it is treading shaky ground to 'practice' Yoga, no matter to what extent, because at the heart of it, to quote one of them (from my memory of what she said): "Satan knows that you're inviting him into your life when you do these hindu things, even if you don't know you're doing that, and he will take advantage of the offer". Valuable perspective, I think. I don't want to forget that there's a spiritual realm that is very active especially in this place* and the people who I think will best be able to discern which things are cultural and which are of the evil-spirit realm, are the 'natives' who know the Lord.

*One friend actually witnessed a metal craftsman making an idol for a shrine here in town, and the people of this community actually invoked spirits to come into the idol.

"First or Nothing"

I read a wonderful book (A Severe Mercy) this summer that I have been coming back to frequently in my thoughts on a couple of issues. When Nate and I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" last night (which is, from what I've seen of India, quite realistic), I was reminded of a number of social injustice issues that I think about but don't know what to do with. I often have to lay aside the frustration of being unable to do anything to change the world and focus on: How AM I living for God where I am right now? Lots of times I see how bad things are around me and I just pass by because I don't know what to do. I think that's how most of us are. Some people are able to actually make a practical difference... I have so much more thinking to do about all of this- maybe I'll write again on it sometime.

One thing I do NOT want to do is put up 'stumbling blocks' and live in a way that confuses people about WHO I live for. This is hard, especially in a 'christian' culture that seems to cry out: "embrace everyone and everything - be a nice person!" and in the midst of a national culture that lures people of many nations to hunt for 'peace' through hinduism or buddhism. I wonder what messages we foreign Christians send when we put up buddhist prayer flags, take yoga lessons, burn incense, celebrate Diwali, decorate our bodies like Hindus, admire Hindu and Buddhist temples and practices... the list goes on.


I am confident that my God is above all things and is alive and well. I am also certain that evil not only exists, but we are in the thick of a spiritual battle that rages in this land. I find it very difficult to sort out the 'cultural' from the 'spiritual' here and I had one short interaction with a canadian yoga instructor this weekend that clarified it a bit for me. In response to someone asking him if his draw to yoga was physical or spiritual, he answered, "I see them as completely related." (I would have answered that too, but I suspected that I thought that because I am a Christian... now I find out that someone who is deep into yoga also sees the connections- they really must be there.)


Somone else brought up the point to me that we're all essentially searching for the same things in this life and yoga is yet another type of worship - the worship of self - stripping everything else away until you are simply your 'perfect' self. In Christianity, however, I believe that I am only to worship God - He is what completes me and makes me whole and peaceful. He is the source and the end of all I am. And I want to live that out in a real way for people to see - and I pray that my embracing of certain cultural things here does not invite evil into my home/heart. I pray that I and fellow believers here will be very discerning and wise. I want to learn how to engage others in discussion about how the spiritual/cultural of this nation does or doesn't fit with what we believe. And I want to do it in a way that is 'seasoned with salt'.


I want to be First and only, God's child.


"Christianity was a faith.
And by now we knew that it was important. If true... - it was, very simply, the only really important truth in the world. And if untrue, it was false. No halfway house. First or nothing. I wrote:
It is not possible to be incidentally a Christian.' The fact of Christianity must be overwhelmingly first or nothing. This suggests a reason for the dislike of Christians by nominal or non-Christians: their lives contain no overwhelming firsts but many balances."
-excerpt from A Severe Mercy - by Sheldon Vanauken, chapter IV : Encounter with Light

ah! Many balances. Isn't that what so many cultures are striving for today? It's dangerous, though, I fear, and if we're not careful, we'll get tricked into settling for 'a balanced life' too.

*** If you have insight or responses to these thoughts, I want hear what you have to say. I wish so much that I knew more about all these other religions and could sort things out better than I can. Thanks for bearing with me as I fumble for words and meaning to make sense of it all.

keeping busy

I have been wishing for some time to post on here, and now finally, I'm just taking some time to do it because my brain is too scattered to do anything else at the moment. I've been keeping busy the past couple of weeks. It's been generally good -a bit too full for my liking, but the bulk of what I've spent my time on this week has been preparing for speaking and helping organize the High School Spiritual Retreat (read that as: focused on the Christian faith but students of all beliefs are welcome... or something - I will be speaking about Faith in Jesus Christ!). That work will be done this weekend, so maybe my days will feel more manageable.

So today and tomorrow I'll be helping with that retreat and yesterday I asked a high school girl if she was coming and she said, "I'm not really into organized religion." ! kinda deflating after all my hard work. But then, that's how most of our efforts in this place have landed: falling flat on the ground.
It's ok, though. I've been trying to think of the ways that God has used us here and of the good things, the times we have felt appreciated, the love we have received and been able to give, the message of Hope that I pray we've been able to share here.
I'm at that place of wrapping things up here- not wanting to pour too much in because it hurts to leave if you do that - but wanting to live fully here until the very end, because it's so much richer all the way around. When I get discouraged about where I'm involved and where I'm not, I just try to tell myself that it's better to not be too involved anyway. The things that I AM involved in, I desperately want to be able to pour myself out in them... but it's so hard when I have my family that needs me too.
So this retreat is one of those things. Something that feels like it'd be easier to just show up, do my part, and leave... but maybe I should make more of an effort to hang out with the students and listen and be a part of the whole thing... and then I know I'll get hurt because it will take a huge amount of effort for me to do that and I know I won't be awarded much appreciation. That's just the way it is. Is it that way everywhere?

I think that I'm more sensitive to appreciation than I used to be because spending all my days with two ungrateful kids leaves me very rarely feeling appreciated- it's just not the same thing as having a job and getting the reward of accomplishing tasks, getting recognized publicly by people for what you achieve, having relative strangers say 'thank you'... this is largely why many women don't want to be stay-at-home moms, I think.

But I want to be doing what I'm doing - staying home with my kids- and I just think it helps me to fight those discouragements if I can push them out and address them somehow- like just writing here.

I've had some bright spots too lately- like the Women's Bible Studies I've been able to be a part of - they've been so refreshing! And I've been able to help out with both the Middle and Elementary School after-school Christian clubs- which is nice for me to be able to do. And my family continues to be such a bright spot for me- I love doing pathetic crafts with my kids (but they think my craft ideas are cool, cuz I'm their mom!-smile), and spending evenings with my honey talking and watching the canadian tv show: Corner Gas (watching a TV show?! what's become of me????!). So that's some rambling thoughts from my fuzzy brain for today.

If you pray for me this weekend on this retreat, please pray that I will shine out God's love to the students and that He will give me only His best words to use as I speak to them. And thank you for praying - It's the most powerful thing we've got.