keeping busy

I have been wishing for some time to post on here, and now finally, I'm just taking some time to do it because my brain is too scattered to do anything else at the moment. I've been keeping busy the past couple of weeks. It's been generally good -a bit too full for my liking, but the bulk of what I've spent my time on this week has been preparing for speaking and helping organize the High School Spiritual Retreat (read that as: focused on the Christian faith but students of all beliefs are welcome... or something - I will be speaking about Faith in Jesus Christ!). That work will be done this weekend, so maybe my days will feel more manageable.

So today and tomorrow I'll be helping with that retreat and yesterday I asked a high school girl if she was coming and she said, "I'm not really into organized religion." ! kinda deflating after all my hard work. But then, that's how most of our efforts in this place have landed: falling flat on the ground.
It's ok, though. I've been trying to think of the ways that God has used us here and of the good things, the times we have felt appreciated, the love we have received and been able to give, the message of Hope that I pray we've been able to share here.
I'm at that place of wrapping things up here- not wanting to pour too much in because it hurts to leave if you do that - but wanting to live fully here until the very end, because it's so much richer all the way around. When I get discouraged about where I'm involved and where I'm not, I just try to tell myself that it's better to not be too involved anyway. The things that I AM involved in, I desperately want to be able to pour myself out in them... but it's so hard when I have my family that needs me too.
So this retreat is one of those things. Something that feels like it'd be easier to just show up, do my part, and leave... but maybe I should make more of an effort to hang out with the students and listen and be a part of the whole thing... and then I know I'll get hurt because it will take a huge amount of effort for me to do that and I know I won't be awarded much appreciation. That's just the way it is. Is it that way everywhere?

I think that I'm more sensitive to appreciation than I used to be because spending all my days with two ungrateful kids leaves me very rarely feeling appreciated- it's just not the same thing as having a job and getting the reward of accomplishing tasks, getting recognized publicly by people for what you achieve, having relative strangers say 'thank you'... this is largely why many women don't want to be stay-at-home moms, I think.

But I want to be doing what I'm doing - staying home with my kids- and I just think it helps me to fight those discouragements if I can push them out and address them somehow- like just writing here.

I've had some bright spots too lately- like the Women's Bible Studies I've been able to be a part of - they've been so refreshing! And I've been able to help out with both the Middle and Elementary School after-school Christian clubs- which is nice for me to be able to do. And my family continues to be such a bright spot for me- I love doing pathetic crafts with my kids (but they think my craft ideas are cool, cuz I'm their mom!-smile), and spending evenings with my honey talking and watching the canadian tv show: Corner Gas (watching a TV show?! what's become of me????!). So that's some rambling thoughts from my fuzzy brain for today.

If you pray for me this weekend on this retreat, please pray that I will shine out God's love to the students and that He will give me only His best words to use as I speak to them. And thank you for praying - It's the most powerful thing we've got.