just being a mom

At the moment, Nate's days are FULL of meetings, Will's days are full of arguments and winning bargains with his sister, and Annie's days are full of being stripped of all the 'cool' toys in exchange for the less-interesting car/book/blanket/doll - you get the idea.

As for my days, I have just started to see something about myself that surprised me: I am a bully.
I really thought I was nicer than that all these years. Growing up, I certainly had my times of being a mean girl, but then, most girls do, and through the years, I think I've learned to be kind, caring, considerate, gentle, patient (at least sort of!) etc. A friend shared recently about how easy it is to think we're perfect when we don't interact with others. She said something along the lines of: "You wouldn't believe what a wonderfully nice person I am when I'm in my apartment all by myself!"
Well, come to find out, my 3-year old drives me CRAZY and I find myself constantly yelling at him to obey, to do exactly as I tell him, to be nice to his sister, to stop grabbing things, to stop taking things away- the list goes on and on. This week (and, oh yeah, today is only Tuesday!), I noticed him being particularly mean to Annie. He'd shove his head right in her face and shout at her: "You're being NAUGHTY!" or "You need to BE-HAVE!" and I was angry with him for being so mean to her and talking with such a cruel voice. He didn't tell me that he learned it from me, but I heard how his words and tone echoed my own and I knew the truth. How appalling to think that I've passed on such behavior. In times like these, I feel sorry for myself that I don't have other families to watch and learn from. Maybe then I could get some creative ideas about how to get Will to obey/listen/be nice without being so mean to him. Parenting has felt so lonely for us through all these years since we were young to get married and have kids...
- I blame my situation and forget that: "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." (2 Peter 1:3,4)
That means I already have EVERYTHING I need to be a godly mom. I pray I learn quickly to follow God's parenting advice since it's already been given to me, and I pray that He will show my kids how to live in spite of my mistakes. ...And I still pray that our next situation in life offers us the privilege of watching and learning from some godly parents who are raising young children.