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In response to one of my cousin Laura's recent blog posts about how life is changing and she's finding herself to be "just a mom" surrounded by moms, I thought I'd jot about some of my own thoughts and feelings on this.
I, too, find myself to be, finally, just a mom. Maybe. It's just that in this setting, the past couple of years have made me realize that I thirst for other moms. I long for 'play dates' and to talk about kids. I long to fit into a group where there are others with similar joys and struggles off of whom I can bounce ideas, concerns, questions, throughts and dreams. Being 'just a mom' in my setting has been rough in some strange ways. I think that a lot of it is that it is coupled with feeling very young and inexperienced as well. I feel a bit insecure about having others watch Nate and me parent...-we don't know what we're doing! In this place, I am the only one in many crowds with a little rowdy kid who is 2 years old and acts like it. He doesn't obey or listen or sit quietly or answer politely or behave. He's just a little kid, but I sometimes dread social things because he's the only little kid. Besides that, I'm not very creative and I am finding that I hunger for ideas of what to do with my kids. How to play with them, how to teach them new things, how to pass the time in a fun way. I could learn a lot by watching and talking with other moms if there were some around.
Reading my cousin's thoughts, I'm remembering that I have now deliberately chosen to trade in my 'career' for being a 'stay-at-home-mom'. This reflects a huge change in my heart through the past 5 years. I used to find pride and joy in doing work that pleased people, meeting goals, and being 'someone'. But this has faded for me as I have been learning that God wants me to find my sole identity and purpose in Him, and that when I do that, He promises to fill me up. I find that deep inside God is asking me to love my children, to spend time with them and to raise them to love and know Him, and this year has been a welcome chance for me to do that. I have come to really love and enjoy being a mom - something I never thought I'd be or enjoy! The days can be lonely, however, and often I fail to be the loving, godly mom I want to be. This summer I found refreshment in meeting with other moms to talk about kids and being a mom. Probably my experience is a lot different than my cousin's who sounds like she feels a bit trapped by it all. I am still able to spend time with students, older couples, singles, young married couples - people of all different ages, cultures and religions. My life is rich, yet some days, I just long to hang out with a bunch of moms and discuss kids and motherhood - it might make me feel a little more normal. :)
2 comments:
Joie - I was thinking about this at our baby shower on Saturday. Our friends (some married, some single, not a kid among them) are great but I suddenly wished that we wouldn't be the young parents of the group. That I would have other moms to hang out with and that Justin would have other dads who understand shifting priorities and limited free time. I was telling Justin that I expect to feel lonely sometimes this year, not for want of friends but for want of friends who are moms and dads. We'll get out internet soon (hope, hope) and we can chat mommy chat. And don't worry about other watching you and Nate - you're both great. Justin and I were much encouraged by seeing the two of you parent this summer. Have a great day, Joie. Enjoy your kids.
Joie, be encouraged. You are a GREAT mom - I was so impressed when I stayed with you in India last November, and also pappa and I were so impressed at how you handled parenthood this summer when you were with us. Keep looking up. And, yes, I understand not having other moms/parents of younguns to relate to. When we lived in Bangui we had the same situation -not much interaction with other moms/parents of little people. I pray for you each day, that you will have wisdom to deal with your Terrific Two Year Old and little Miss Annie. And also that you will have courage to do what you know you need to do in each situation. You are loved - so much!!! mamma (for pappa too)
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