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Well I'm back home after a long excursion down the mountain and back up again this evening to see my friends and their brand new baby! In the past three days I've held two newborns- even got to change one's poopy diaper and yes, he did pee all over as I did it... brought me right back to my own son's first months of life. :)
Today I was reminded several times of how blessed I have been. I am blessed to be a mother. Contrary to my many many years of thinking, not just any woman is given that gift. And I am a mother of two kids- a boy and a girl. Wow, what a gift, God. It's just gifts, see?
It was sometime during University that I began to learn of some couples I knew who 'could never have children'. It was also about that time that friends started to get married and other friends were planning out their lives. I didn't know any married friends who had kids (unless I'm forgetting someone at the moment) and many of them said things like, "yeah, we'll have kids someday"- in such a definite, decided manner, that I wanted to scream out to them- "By the way, YOU'RE not the one who decides that - God is!" - But I didn't. Instead, God began to sand away some of my rough edges about this issue, so that I was hurled into a search for truth by a challenge from my fiance: "What does God say about kids???" Guess what? Everything God says about kids is that they are His best blessing- the biggest gift He can give people for their lives to be wonderful here on Earth. He commands people to have kids. He tells them to MULTIPLY, bear children... GOD LOVES KIDS, and He designed marriage to result in giving birth to kids. Check out His Word yourself if you haven't yet on this topic (and if you find something other than that theme, let me know- I am always longing for Truth!)
But it's not just that easy, see. From my own observations, it seems that many people seem to decide to have kids in order to spice up their lives, do something different, collect another item that they don't have yet (a kid), or live on through their children. But I don't believe that God gives kids so that we can have the perfect life we design for ourselves. Instead He gives them- or withholds them- so that we can have the perfect life that He designs for us - that draws us closest to Him and shapes us most like Himself.
How awesome to me is the story of some of our friends who longed for children for several years and realized that they couldn't have their own kids. So they decided to pursue adoption. After a long process (as all adoptions I have heard about are), they finally welcomed an adopted baby boy into their home and the next month they learned that they were pregnant as well. They now say that they KNOW that God wanted them to have that boy in their home or He would have let them get pregnant sooner. They would not have carried through with the adoption if their own daughter had come earlier - after all, who wanders around with two kids who are only 9 months apart?!. Isn't God amazing? And His timing incredible?
During a conversation today, I was reminded again of how difficult it can be for some women to get pregnant and how they come to long for that stage of life. Long so much that they try everything- even artificial processes - and it made my heart sad. Sad for them. Sad that we people are so often driven to our own devices to get what we want. Does it make God sad to see us so desperate for what He has not given us?
And as I held those two newborns in my arms during the past couple of days, I was also reminded about how hard it can be for women to give birth. I have been blessed with relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries. But the difficulty of bearing children is also a great reminder to us of why Jesus came. Genesis 3:16 says it straight up: "To the woman he said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children..." So all the hard things that are wrapped up in having kids like the few I've mentioned, just go back to some poor choices in the beginning of the World. Sadly- I still make poor choices that have repercussions on my life.
I said I was thankful that I have a boy and a girl. I'm thankful because I think that those who want a baby are curious about what it is to have a son and a daughter. Well, it's not to my credit or my husband's credit, but to God's credit alone that He has given us the gift of one of each. Thank you, God. (By the way, I would have been thrilled if we had been given two of one 'kind', but still always curious what it would be like, I'm sure.) At the foundation of my gratitude and awe of God- lies a trust that I long for all people to know, and I long to know more fully. My husband and I have trusted that God will plan our lives for us and give us what is His best for our lives. We trust that He'll show us the next step, even if He rarely shows the whole path ahead. We trusted Him that He would give us children in His good time (and His timing has been so good- I must add here that even the miscarriages we have had proved to be blessings in ways I couldn't have planned!). Now we're trusting Him that He'll take us where He wants us to go next year and always, that He'll give us whatever children He wants us to have - in His good time. I feel peaceful and so thankful that our lives are in His good Shepherd hands.
Thank you, God, for new babies and all of Your goodness that they remind me of.
10 comments:
Well, I agree that my daughter is one of God's best blessings so far. I'm very thankful for her, and God does control babies - he has opened and closed wombs like for Sarah and Michal in the Bible, even bypassed the natural processes for Mary. But on a side note - the Bible DOES overwhelmingly support the use of wisdom in life, and as a friend told me, "Just because food is a gift of God doesn't mean I gorge myself on it every chance I get." I think God loves children, and I also think we should take care of the family we've been entrusted with thus far - so I'm sort of in the middle on the issue of multiplication.
I liked this. Who doesn't like to talk about babies? :-) I also know of two different couples who had "closed wombs" until they adopted, then had biological children at the same time! God gives great gifts! As for the debate, I have always been on the "wisdom" side, but I appreciate the Duggars who have almost 19 kids who decided to forego birth control because their first pregnancy ended in miscarriage because of the birth control she was on. Sadly I don't think a lot people with closed wombs "GET" it or turn to God as a result-which I'm sure is the purpose. Great post Joie!
Thanks for your post Joie! I love the example of adoption that we as Christians have in that our Savior was adopted! I have met many women who God has closed their wombs and have or are trying to adopt a child that God has planned for them. What a great gift adoption is to so many children who need a loving home. Thanks again!
Thanks for the post Joie! I'm an overthinker about babies and despite all of that, God did give us Claire in His perfect timing (which, surprise surprise, turns out to be SO much better than mine). Since her birth, I've had to examine my own spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical self very carefully, constantly considering how my own choices carry ramifications for my baby too. Like you said, I do think being a mama is nudging (pushing & shoving!) me to be closer to how God wants me to be. Amazing, really.
Thanks for all the comments, friends. It's good to hear your perspectives. Mary- The Bible speaks about Wisdom as something that is another gift from God- given only by Him and only when we seek after it and essentially after Him. I believe that if we are hunting for THAT kind of Wisdom, we will have His peace about not having children or having them. Two key issues that I see that complicate this are:
1.people not seeking GOD'S wisdom in these kinds of choices and along with how they are to live (i.e. living standard desires, worldly goals to pursue... you get the idea)
2.all of us judging other people's ways of living and choices- but how can I know what wisdom God has shown you with relation to your particular circumstances - I have a tendency to be judgmental am convicted as I write. :)
Laura- adoption needs it's own proper post, doesn't it?! Thanks for adding some thoughts on that - I realized my post was too long so stopped writing EVERYTHING I think about!!
Beth- though, you're right, it usual feels like a debate- I hope my notes to Mary on God's Wisdom encourage all of us to not see it as a debate, but a need to return to God constantly to see what HE has for us - rather than deciding for ourselves all the time what we think our lives should look like.
Sarah- yes, self-examination in every area is a hard thing to go through. I feel so condemned as I hear some things I say to my kids, see the way I act sometimes, watch them mirror me... and it's like God keeps saying: "Guess what, Joie? You're not perfect yet and you can't do life on your own- you need ME!"
Thanks for 'listening' and encouraging me in return. Keep seeking His wisdom and I will try to do that too! :)
I just noticed what your friend Beth posted about the Duggars. I know that they are heavily criticized for the number of children they have ... and continue to have. However, from the glimpses I have seen of their lives, they are doing their best to raise all their kids to be God-honoring, hard-working citizens of this world, and that's more than some who don't have kids because of "overpopulation." However, on the birth control issue: having worked at a crisis pregnancy center for the past year, I've read up on and learned a lot about different methods of birth control. Not all of them are abortive. We have to exercise the discernment and sound judgment God gives us. Yes, God blesses us with children, but we cannot deny how he has created our bodies either. Through the pregnancy center, I have seen SO MANY BABIES being born one right after the other to young girls make poor choices. And yes, those babies are beloved in God's eyes, but what about those moms who just give their children away like they are pets? And who's going to take care of those babies?
Thanks, Hannah for your note. In writing my post, I was talking only about babies resulting from marriage (and lasting marriage, I hope - God help divorced single parents, please!!!)
Babies born outside of marriage are another issue entirely. The choices that lead to pregnancy outside of marriage certainly do NOT honor God, although, yes, the 'parents' and babies are so precious in His sight.
The stuff you see in the pregnancy crisis center is also the stuff that I believe breaks God's heart. He did not create us to be as dysfunctional as we all are - some more easily accused than others, but we're all dysfunctional, n'est-ce pas? I was trying to write about the choices that are a part of marriage pertaining to having kids. I want to encourage other married Believers that we must keep our eyes on God for His direction in our lives and not plan to have kids or not have kids according to our selfishness. I hope that clarifies this discussion a bit. Thanks for sharing your perspective too. I wish we could just sit down and sip tea and TALK for real! :) Then we'd solve the world's problems, right?!
This has been an interesting discussion :) On the subject, I am so glad, and don't believe I will ever regret Ron and I taking some time before getting pregnant. Our relationship has grown so much because of this. When we got married, we had just come through a hard time in our relationship, and knew that God would mend and grow us. He did that, and I think having time without kids has helped to seal who we are as a couple and in God. But, as you said, Joie, everyone must live by their convictions (as long as they aren't born out of selfishness), and Biblical truth does reign.
We weren't even going to try to have a kid for at least another year, when suddenly God moved on our hearts and we decided to try and leave it up to Him. In that "trying" time, which wasn't long anyway, I felt those things that you were talking about. How God gives life, and only God really chooses when to give it. When we did find out we were pregnant, we haven't taken it for granted. I know that God wants this baby in our lives for a reason :) I also remember wanting to get pregnant, and realizing that some women feel like that for years. My boss and his wife have been trying to conceive for years (and are very open about it) but can't and I just thank God that I don't have to go through that. Though it may lead them to adoption, which is another interesting aspect and a good path, as well. I am grateful for God's hand in bringing us kids.
I recall another interesting story about a family I know. Before they had kids the mother was on birth control, and she was prophesied over once that she would have a family. They weren't even planning on ever having kids. She didn't rush home and go off birth control, though, which I think is interesting. Instead, God caused her to get pregnant while on birth control, and she had her firstborn. In that way, I'm sure it was more of an assurance to her that God did want them to be family oriented and that they were ready, more than if she had gone off birth control right away. However, I do agree that I think God does want our marriages to result in babies anyway, as the Bible says. As for timing, He is always in control and while we don't want to be controlling for the sake of selfishness, He will also prompt or simply make a woman pregnant if it's His will for her at that time. Traditional family planning has been around forever, of course, and can be pretty effective. I can understand why people do this even while off of what we think of as "birth control", medication and such. It makes sense to me why you wouldn't want to have two kids in one year, for instance! And that's another situation that if God wants it, you're going to get it! (Dave and Ellie :)
This would really be a long chat over tea, and I hope that none of what I wrote came out defensive or anything. Even if we might see things a little differently, I'm just writing what I'm thinking a bit, and not in *hardcore debate tone* :) It's hard when you're reading rather than chatting to hear those tones correctly, that's why I'm clarifying :)
Interesting to think on, anyway... And yes, thank you God for Your work in our lives regarding children. I will pray for wisdom and guidance here, because I do only want to follow Truth...
I enjoyed the ongoing discussion. I think it is somewhat easier for me to pursue God and trust God with OUR family decisions, than it is for me to NOT judge other peoples' convictions. I struggle with that. Hopefully seeking God is first, and family decisions second. I do believe having kids is a "good, permissible" choice for everyone, and if people are truly seeking God like you said, then God DOES give great gifts in children, adoption, jobs, health, etc. He isn't a joy-killer, He lets us enjoy some things we'd consider "selfish" like family planning. As long as we are ultimately giving Him the credit.
On a personal note, Jason and I don't HOPE to have another baby when we're 42, 43 years old, HOWEVER for us it is kind a personal conviction not to do anything "permanent" to either him or myself that would physically limit God. I mean, if I did not have a uterus, it is highly unlikely I would get pregnant. However, from our own experience, we have 2 babies while "preventing" them, so for us birth control is fine, because God is much bigger than statistics! :-)
I have to say that I would agree that "God is much bigger than statistics", and therefore I don't really have a problem with birth control from a planning perspective. If God really wants a woman to become pregnant, He can cause it to happen no matter what she's using to prevent it from happening. My only major concern about birth control is whether or not it acts as an abortifacient. That's the issue that I have a personal conviction about, and so I have carefully researched all the options and chosen something that cannot possibly prevent the development of a baby. Products like nuvaring, the pill (in any form), modern IUD's, etc. are all designed to do three things: 1. Prevent ovulation 2. Slow movement of sperm and eggs so they don't meet and 3. Interfere with the development of the uterine lining so that the fertilized egg cannot implant. I don't have a problem with preventing ovulation and slowing movement, as I'm sure God can surmount those difficulties. However, I do have a problem with using a product that I know could cause my body to prevent a baby from finding safe haven in my uterus. Barrier methods like diaphragms and condoms don't interfere with implantation and they don't have nasty side effects.
Sorry about the slightly technical digression. I've found this whole discussion interesting - people feel very strongly about babies! :) And ultimately each of our decisions are between ourselves and God. And hopefully as some of you have commented, our personal convictions are directed by Truth. I know where you're all at with struggling to not judge others as it's something I have to fight with daily, also.
I also hope this post isn't taken wrong. It is so very hard to read tone through a typed message, but I don't mean any of this to offend or hurt anyone. Merry Christmas to everyone! :)
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