Celebrating our 5th year of marriage!!! :)

Today is our wedding anniversary! 5 years down, a life-time to go -and I'm excited for many days ahead of walking through life with my Nate. He's such an amazing husband and father and I just love him so much! :)
On all of our past anniversaries, I saw a lot of Nate, but not today, since he's in meetings. So anyway, I've just been thinking a lot recently about the years we've had together and what God has given us. Some incredibly rich blessings, some things that have felt really hard for us. When I look back, the first 4 years really fade into the background, and this most recent year stands out in my mind. The blessings can be hard to see, but whenever I start complaining to God, He reminds me of so many ways He's provided for us and carried us so gently.

Perhaps the darkest shadow throughout this past year has been Will's epilepsy. We spent our anniversary last year in a hospital watching Will undergo all sorts of tests, only to have him diagnosed at the end of the day with Epilepsy which required medication. It shook us up a lot to watch him continue to have many seizures for 6 more months and to have to increase his medication almost weekly until finally January arrived and the seizures stopped. I can't even count all the blessings that we have felt throughout this dark year - particularly with relation to seeing God carry us through that seizure season. Briefly, I have to say that our community here, family support back 'home' and a helpful, kind Doctor in Delhi (who let us sort almost everything out over email!!!!) are just a few of the really helpful things through all that time that we consider gifts from God.
Throughout the fall, I wrestled with more anxiety than I have ever experienced. Of course, it was mostly unreasonable, but facing seizures at any time coupled with a robbery on our campus and a number of violent anti-Christian incidents in our country and area kept me constantly on edge. We felt exhausted all the way through December with it all. I prayed a lot about my worries- prayed that God would calm my fears and bring us peace in every way, and I remember very distinctly how Nate walked through me during that time- listening, reminding me of truth and praying with me. Beyond my comprehension, God just took away those fears gradually, and again, I can say that I don't worry- Wow, God!

Since January, we have had a number of other shadows in our life here- not news to most people who read my blog, but I don't want to forget where we've been so I can remember how God has cared for us through it all. Annie's weight has felt stressful. She continues to be very underweight - she's 20 months old now and only weighs 16.5 lbs and stands almost 30 inches tall. So we praise God that she looks and acts healthy, and I thank Him each time she eats a meal heartily. In February she gave us a scare when she started throwing tantrums where she'd stop breathing and go unconscious briefly.
I think that was one of the hardest things for me looking back on this year- was to have watched both of my kids look dead in my arms and not have any idea what was going on- much less, what to do to help them.
Annie's tantrums just about broke me and I told Nate, sobbing, that I wanted to pack up and get out of here. Thankfully, God does not actually EVER give us more than we can bear, and Annie quit fainting after a few weeks. Our last major discouragement over the past half-year has been having two miscarriages. So, as my dad has taught me to ask: " God, what are you doing here?" And we don't know, but again, I don't want to leave out the blessings He's already shown us:
-the second miscarriage didn't interfere with our trip to Korea! It also happened before we had told everyone and before Nate had duties with the new school year. We also had a few days warning that we would lose the baby, so we were able to work through some of our grief even before it happened...Wow, God! Your timing is PERFECT!
And that sums up a full year of marriage, which makes the previous 4 years almost disappear. It's been a long, hard year full of things we never dreamed we would have to face. I suspect that the rest of our lives will continue to be packed with things we didn't dream of facing, and what we've dealt with so far doesn't even compare to the grief/loss/struggles that some people face. So my prayer today is a thankful one - that God has clearly shown His faithfulness all year long (and certainly through the past 5 years of marriage!). He has been refining us through these hard times- making us stronger, showing us how how to live lives that honor Him even more. I thank Him for the refreshing times He's given us: for a new season of being able to read His Word daily together (all of our moving/adjusting our first 4 years of marriage made our times in the Word few and far between- but the past several months we've been reading consistently) - and I thank Him for much refreshment during our time in Korea.

Isaiah speaks clearly about what we have lived (I'm taking the liberty of switching around the order of two verses):
"I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things." (Isaiah 45:7) "so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other." (Isaiah 45:6)
- that is the story of life: hard times and good times - all designed for the purpose of making God known to the whole earth!

So I claim Isiah 43: 1-4 as my own (I'm copying the bulk of it here, but read all the surrounding chapters- this part of the Bible is AMAZING!). God says:
"...'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior... ...you are precious and honored in my sight... I love you..."